So I thought I would start journalling again, as my thoughts are all cluttered, and I need to get them out somehow. In the past, I have created blogs and journals only to let them go after a short while as I lose interest, or forget about them. Its hard for me to keep focused on anything for a long time. Therein lies the biggest problem of my life, and a great source of unhappiness. Continue reading
day 2
I did it! Look at me blog again twice in a row!! Talked to the EAP psychologist today about what I wrote about yesterday, and while she didnt say much this session, indicated that I have double standards – those for myself, and everyone else. I expect that I should have superpowers and be able to manage everything fine – being a work at home mom, trying to get a business off the ground, doing all the cleaning, cooking, trying to find time to get in shape all while dealing with seasonal affective disorder and currently being sick, while I wouldnt expect that of anyone else.
That was very poignant – but at the same time, I feel like I have perhaps too low expectations for others – for instance feeling guilty that my husband had to look after our son this morning while I had a nap and spoke to the psychologist on the phone, but felt resentful when he wanted me to look after our son while my husband napped later, despite my bad cold, and then he left for the rest of the afternoon until dinner. Meh.
In other news, I found a planner app for the iphone which I hope will be my lifesaver when it comes to organization. Like my psychologist appt today that I almost missed because it was written down somewhere random. Speaking of random, I have been wondering the past couple of days whether I have had undiagnosed ADHD all these years. That would explain ALOT about my eternal disorganization and clutter, forgetfulness, inattention to details & impulsive behaviour for as long as I can remember! That said, I can’t use it as an excuse and have to take responsibility for becoming more ordered. Here’s to hoping the planner helps.
Writing Challenge – Doompocalypse Redux
Doompocalypse Resolutions:
1) This is my first day on WordPress, and I just made a long post about living in my perma-chaotic state of being. It was very cathartic!! If the world will end in 3 months, I want to blog every day in hopes of figuring out some more of the big questions in my life…..and as a legacy for the future alien overlords in case the servers survive…
2) I want to connect more with people in general. I tend to have some social anxiety issues and am afraid to invite people to do stuff ….. I am not sure what I am afraid of….I find the phone a scary piece of equipment though! If the world will end in 3 months – who cares!!
3) Focus on creating order in my life. It is a huge source of stress for me and my family, and figuring out a way to follow through with maintaining organization will go a long way to make these last few months more relaxing.
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